My surreal last 10 days abroad

 Okay I am ready

I have avoided it: recounting the 10 days before quarantine where our lives and the world was flipped upside down. As I do it, I am beginning to mourn the loss of the greatest adventure and fellowship.

Without my journaling and photos, I wouldn’t have been able to recall it. It’s a surreal blur to me.

I counted 56 hours travel time (bus, car, plane) in those 10 days, makes sense why I slept 16 hours straight the night I got home.

Brief memories run through my mind of devastating news, of wild faith, and of a resilient many still experiencing the wonders of the world and culture.

It was 10 days in transport, where God took me from my lowest time on the Race on my birthday to joy, purpose, freedom, and peace when it made no sense. So here it goes…

*italisized = journal entries

 

A summary of those 10 crazy days:

• March 10 – My birthday, beach, house of prayer, breakdown, reconciliation
• March 11 – 15 hour bus ride to Bangkok, new joy and revelation
• March 12 – 8 hour bus ride from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, YYAM house
• March 13 – Inspiring Orientation in Chiang Mai, anxiety and rest
• March 14 – drive 2.5 hours to our exciting ministry placement in Theon with some fun Thai people!
• March 15 – The heartbreaking email, unexpected bye to sweetest, humble church that prayed for us, 2.5 hours back to Chiang Mai, night market
• March 16 – Our unexpected last day all together with elephants
• March 17 – 1 ½ hour flight to Bangkok, 8 hour flight to Doha, Qatar
• March 18 – 8 hour layover in Doha, 14 ½ hour flight to D.C.
• March 19 – Spent the night at the D.C. airport, 4 hour flight to Denver

 

Much of this is to personally process and remember the incredible places physically and mentally God took me, so much gained through this unexpected time.

So, ya, another super long post. Please at least read March 14 and 15. Much love to you during this season <3

 

 

March 10 – My birthday, beach, house of prayer, breakdown, reconciliation

 

I wrote to you in vulnerability at the first hour of my 22^nd birthday, but so much happened the rest of that day.

Most of my birthdays I struggle with wondering if people will honor and love me like I desire. Waking up that morning, it left a door open to the enemy to whisper the same lies he had been trying to since training camp.

We were at mini-debrief (transition time between Malaysia and Thailand) staying in Penang, Malaysia with all 5 teams/30 people. I had to make it to the beach on my birthday since I had the opportunity.

30 minutes away, two of my best friends on the squad and I took a Grab (Asia’s Uber) to Batu Ferringhi beach.

 This 22nd year Lord May I be freed of shame and walk humbly with my God loving others well. Amen.

Good grab drive conversation. Evangelism is my place

It’s not that they know my name or that I am praised, but that they know His and praise Him 

Birds have been a symbol for me for the entire race, and, Morgan the day before, got an image of a bird resembling freedom for me:

I’m sinful and I’m not seeking your voice like I could. Yet thank you for celebrating my 22nd birthday with me on a beach in Asia, letting me be a free missionary at this age. I pray I truly would be free like a bird

Yet they do honor me and pray over me on the beach and give me letters, cus they love me. 

Turns out Stephanie was making a painting for me on the beach that 14 of my squad mates would later write a note to me on. 

 Next, I went with John and Austin to the Penang House Of Prayer for a couple hours. Every Tuesday, local and international people gather for 7 hours while fasting and doing many forms of prayer.

Three of our teams worked with this house of prayer for their placement in Malaysia. They explained how incredible it was learning that intercession in prayer legitimately changes things and is as important as anything you could do for the Kingdom to come.

Sitting at Penhop in a place of airy peace. These Asians seek the living God and open the same book I do and yearn for Him, and I want to know them. This year may I make so many beautiful connections with locals. Help me to be open to whatever you have for me. Set a fire in my soul.

I pray you bless this place, anoint this place with grace and power to save many lives and to minister unto you.

And so in basically the most peaceful space I had ever been in, the most beautiful, pure voices sang. Each, in quiet, sought the living God in a building nestled by the turquoise seas of Penang, Malaysia.

God says give yourself a big hug and sweetly go forward from a place of rest like ashes said. 

She sings, “I am the living water, come drink.” I forget that his water runs through me, and that’s my prophecy. I have to draw from his water and drink or I’ll be empty and unable to do anything or know who I am. He has to be the source. He has to be the source 

I can’t stop thinking about reading my past blogs

Remember my goodness

The truth I need now I believed long ago in childlike faith

I spent much of my time at Penhop looking at past blogs. As I did, lyrics were song like “Oh, Lord I have so many memories” and one of my favorites right now “lean back in the loving arms of a beautiful Father.” 

As I remembered, I had both gratitude for the ways God exceeded my expectations and disappointment that I forgot to hold on to all of it. Every one of the truths the Lord led me to write in those blogs now holds so much more weight, here are some of them…   

• The reality is 40% of all people groups are statistically likely to never hear the Gospel – wow! I served, shared, and reached people in these regions where hearing the Gospel is rare
• Onto this journal will wet tears fall from those that are lost and from my own wandering. Onto this journal I will record the fires sparked by God in human souls across 11 distinct cultures. – boy did I wander and see fires sparked by God in both believers and nonbelievers in at least 3 distinct cultures
• God becomes my only comfort. My race literally has begun; what I looked onto for two years, it is here. I am doing something that requires He shows up. He has to go before me. – It surely wasn’t comfortable, and I had to turn to God. Just think back to the insane encounters I had with his Spirit; He really did show up
• She says I want to encourage you guys to not compare yourselves to each other, but know that you are so loved and needed. You guys are taking your time to serve a country that many people don’t even think about. You may not reap the harvest, but every part you play matters. – Wow, the previously Muslim Indonesian, who spoke this over us the first day on the field, was so right. I should have held onto those truths a little tighter. 

We left from Penhop to go to a team meeting with our squad leaders.

It was a very difficult but needed meeting where we exposed the ways the enemy was working to sew division and lies in each one of us that month. I was more emotional than I had been in front of my team, largely because it was my birthday, and we were dealing with rough things even though we had the best of intentions. 

I went off alone for a while.

This was the moment where I decided to not let the enemy win by isolating myself tonight; I am going to show up to our last Worship night of mini-debrief and show up to the community God has placed me in. Crazy that I just realized that morning I wrote:

Maybe it’s not that I pray that He shows up tonight but that I show up tonight. I’m the only variable, like Isabel was implying last night (wrestler with God) 

I did show up, and boy am I happy I did.

Endless moments of conviction for my own sin, reconciliation between people of all teams, and prevailing love came out of that night. Like my squad leader saying I see a warm fire coming off you, a sweet presence, and a pure heart. I also was able to be a defender and suggest that the Race does more to celebrate all parts of the body even the ones less obvious.

I hugged my teammates in tears and familial love; I let them love me and pray over me where there had been a barrier in me before. God gave redemption that night for all the teams. Our team was ready to go into Thailand with unity and refined power…

 

 

Side note:

I feel conviction, to tell you reader, to let those around you love you. Receive it. For you are a beloved child of the Father in Heaven. He wants nothing more than for you to know how secure His love is for you and for you to experience love like that in fellowship with the people around you.

 

 

 

March 11 – 15 hour bus ride to Bangkok, new joy and revelation

 

 All 5 teams spent the night on a bus with two floors. We sat on the upper floor. The bus was pretty nice with chairs that leaned back and a bathroom. Lots of time to reflect and talk… 

Someone spoke gold over me and the first line on my journal is all that is gold does not glitter. Just because I have not always glittered on the race community doesn’t mean I’m not absolute gold.  

We made a couple stops to get additional food on top of the snacks we packed. Across Asia, people open mini food stands/shops/businesses. I felt an extra calling that day to these people. 

I want to tell them about Jesus. In love, I talked to a couple of them. That’s what is my calling I have to do it from a place of rest in the Lord. But I want to touch so many lives, tell so many random international souls that I’m graced to encounter and give them an encounter with the Presence of Jesus Christ  

Back on the bus 

Captivate my thoughts, put a knife to comparison and thinking about myself in relation to others 

The days leading to debrief I watched a sermon online about the anointment of joy and then my squad mate Annie killed it giving a sermon about joy at our Indian Malay church we served at.

It was the beginning of the turning point where God would bring me from a hard head space to freedom, joy, peace, and purpose that I now feel even as I’m home in Colorado.

I’m in Thailand how cool! I’m joyful, give me eyes to see and a willing Spirit to follow you and fish for ppl, win souls  

I listened to a podcast:

Why doesn’t God make himself more clear, and Jesus not straight up say he is Messiah? Why does God veil himself? Because love is the highest value. And love demands freedom and choice. If God would reveal himself to you, He would overwhelm your sense freedom. He goes around doing the things only God could do and let’s you draw your conclusions  

You don’t need to live in fear, nothing can hold back the advance of God’s Kingdom 

I laughed so hard and goofed around with Steph and Josiah. 

 I look out at the green hills and red fiery beautiful flowers. Nothing pleases me more than nature, I’m home in nature – to escape and go there and reflect

After hours of quiet, Caroline took out a microphone, Aaron DJs, and the C-squad dance party began. 

We sing country roads and I am loud in this group, not caring if they see me, thanks Lord

But I see that you are bringing me back to myself, in a state of mind that can bless others and have a sound mind 

After, people started to fall asleep, but I was wide awake.

In listening prayer for the longest time, Psalm 8 has been popping into my head. I was annoyed, because I thought I got the point. He highlighted though, as I read it quoted in Corinthians, that Creator of all the wonderous creation crowns me with honor and glory and that all is under Jesus’ feet. I wrote it out in my journal to proclaim it. Psalm 8 later spoke to me that even covid-19 has been placed under Jesus’ and man’s feet. 

Sorry for letting thoughts move me for agreeing with the enemy. Forgive me Father. I am your precious daughter

Finally, I asked God about this coming month in Thailand, and I felt He is calling me to Rest.

 

 

March 12 – 8 hour bus ride from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, YYAM house 

 

We arrived in Chiang Mai to receive orientation from YYAM before heading to our ministry placement. We arrived at this nice house in this nice Thai neighborhood with much of the comforts we missed so badly from home. A South African woman named Sheila greeted each of us with a welcoming hug.  

 

 

March 13 – Inspiring Orientation in Chiang Mai, anxiety and rest 

 

YYAM has staff that gives inspiration and cultural training before beginning ministry.

We met a South African father and son that spent 10 years together preaching the Gospel to all nations, two of the years spent together in a tent.

They have endless stories and fire for God. It left me on fire. They straight up have been imprisoned in the Middle East for sharing their faith and led out by sharing the Gospel with an official.

The father shared his testimony of coming to the Lord in his 20s after having numerous assault charges and being into drugs and alcohol.

Once he experienced Christ, he couldn’t help but share him to everyone. He won’t let an elevator ride go by without sharing, what if it’s this person’s one chance to hear?

God spoke to the son at 8 that he would be a missionary and also told him that he would get married at 31; sure enough it happened. 

The father’s advice to us:

do not fear that you don’t have enough knowledge, you have enough to share the Gospel, the Holy Spirit will give you the words 

Fear makes it hard to hear from God. Give the Gospel, and you will be filled. We are nothing special. We don’t have a special anointing. We just are available.  

The son gave us a run down on fascinating Thai culture that I want to write about later. 

Later I talked to Sheila about my passions and future. She told me He didn’t place those giftings within you without reason, there’s always a way to use all those things. 

We had the rest of the day to ourselves.

Since the day before God spoke Rest in Me over this month (little did I know I’d be quarantined), while everyone else went to explore Chiang Mai, I stayed back at our YYAM house. Though it is so against my nature to not take advantage of adventures, Bridgetown church has taught me to prioritize dying to our flesh and doing what will really fill our soul. I am glad I stayed back from blogging in a hammock outside to getting to know Sheila. 

However, on all the bus rides and on this day, I had this feeling in my stomach that I haven’t dealt with before. I thought, this must be what bad anxiety feels like. I didn’t understand why I would have anxiety then… 

I’m stressed, God says you can do all of it…maybe you feel anxiety cus you need to release it in tongues, maybe you need to realize there is enough time, God has given you enough time for exactly what you need. And all you need is Him!

(2 Cor 12) For all the ways I will have been weak this year, Christ will have been strong!! So I delight in the weakness, insults, hardships, persecution’s, difficulties that I have shared and that I will continue to not hide and that I will face with perseverance and a face pointed toward to the Lord 

My anxiety doesn’t leave, but I get relief from it as I give a massage to my squad-mate and laugh and pray with others into the night.

 

 

March 14 – drive 2.5 hours to our exciting ministry placement in Theon with some fun Thai people!

 

We found out that due to increasing concern of Covid-19 some squads are being sent home. The email says the plan as of now is NOT to send our C-squad home: no news is good news.

My squad-mates hurt for the other racers being sent home in the middle of their race, but most of us at that point didn’t think we could be sent home too. 

That morning Exodus 8 popped up in my head.

I took away, before I knew the weight of this virus, that God could use a plague/virus for the good of his people and to bring people back to worship, and that He then chooses to use people like us, or Moses, to pray for and bring the end to it.   

 Knowing the email we got, Sheila sent us off with a powerful prayer:

God willing, that they could finish this race and have a canopy of light over them, that they would have healing and words of knowledge, know what they need and what to say, that you would open hearts, each of them has something specific to impart on these people…He’s paving the way in front of us

 

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We head to the bus station in another open taxi. It’s burning season, so there is pollution everywhere. 

Sasha and I talk about how we’re riding in the back of this open Asian van on a world adventure, as the world goes into panic, as home goes into crisis. What an opportunity for Jesus to break in 

Obey out of God’s love for you. He is merciful before you did anything. His blood covers you. My one righteous deed does not even compare for a second to God’s glory (from sermon)

Eating a delicious dumpling bun with a teriyaki pork center and some coconut water on a bus in Chiang Mai with clouded air and masked friends, I’m on such an adventure and I feel it now. Even if the world was to come to an end, I would still be in the family of God, I would still have Jesus and all the ways He made me 

We are driving through a beautiful Thai national forest with signs warning of wild elephants

 He is accomplishing His story, bringing His glory through His presence which is in us in every nation regardless of me. 

 

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We arrived in the small town of Theon greeted by PJ, the pastor, and Ray, the translator who lived in San Francisco for some time and still goes back to Harvard to do brain research.

(boy this is hard to write about)

We drove up to the church in our van and were greeted by children. One of the boys grabbed my heavy daypack and cutely pulled it towards the rest of the bags for me.

Not going to lie, seeing the place where we were to stay, I had to take a deep breath in. We were in one of the top 5 hottest places in Thailand, and someone already told me how poor these kids are. 

I played with the children in joy though I was hot, tired, and dirty. I connected with a 10-year-old who barely spoke English, and I was excited to spend the next weeks getting closer with her.

We discussed the mural on the outside wall of our building with PJ, Kenz showed him my mural from last month. I suggested that I would love to paint for him, and he said I was an answer to prayer. 

PJ hosts a volunteer team from Thailand every time an American team comes in.

We sat in a circle in the church, introduced each other, played games (they showed us this funny chicken dance where you stick out your tongue), we worshiped in Spirit and in truth as one international body, and we went over the schedule for tomorrow.

Tomorrow was church, one of us to share a testimony and all of us to sing a worship song. 

PJ emphasized numerous times how excited he was to have us.

He had been praying for a World Race or YYAM team to serve at the church for a long time. He said we were an answer to his prayers.

Apparently, Sheila told him that she was sending over a team full of the Spirit. PJ also warned us that previous team experienced spiritual warfare and that we need to be on guard and prayed up. 

I hung out and learned everyone’s names. I saw already a new culture that is light, loving, and full of laughter. I quickly connected with a 20-year-old volunteer from Bangkok who studied nursing for some time in Switzerland. She asked for my Instagram and messaged me if I want to join her to see the water and park nearby. 

Kenz gave us the schedule for our time there which included youth camps, praying healing over the sick, doing a revival, going camping, helping with agriculture, and sharing the Gospel on the streets. 

PJ’s wife cooked us all a beautiful Thai dinner to be eaten on the patio together like we were planning to do for lunch and dinner every day. Afterwards they drove us to the grocery store to buy breakfast food. We laughed together as two co-ed teams of our squad.

It felt so good. I did not have that anxiety in my stomach that whole day, only joy and freedom. 

I’m going to rest in God, bring Kingdom, and love while I’m here. The other team I mesh with and these locals too, it’ll be joy cus of them and God, though it’s humble living. At first glance, it always seems rough living conditions, but once it’s home, you begin to realize it’s not so bad.

Once your at peace inside, nothing else matters

Like those South Africans said, let’s share the Gospel to all we encounter, because we can (legal and acceptable to do so in Thailand unlike the other countries we had been to) 

Like Em said we don’t fight God does. We stand with the armor of God 

There is something about this quiet air and tall ceilings with openings to the trees. Though there’s spider webs and the most simple of living conditions in the dirt. There’s something special about it.

And Thai people laugh.

Such a time as this, when the world is in disarray, a pastor of a small church in a 95% Buddhist country prays for a volunteer team and we answer his prayer by coming. Only two and a half weeks here. But I believe in miracles. I believe in the revival of our spirits, of the church in Thailand, of our team as we unite together in prayer and love. Last month we went through struggle and an amazing host that we could be here.  

We got back, and I decide to go to the park at night with the Thai girls, many end up following including a really funny Thai volunteer in his forties. Walking around this quiet town with Thai people, I felt again that feeling I felt in Indonesia where I belong.

Even when they aren’t speaking my language, I bond with them and just feel so alive and loved. We got back to the church and learned a little dance together. They are soooo fun. 

We ended the night with a team check in. Wow! : the difference of our team as we share without restraint how we are doing and what we are struggling with in mutual love and care. Considering what PJ shared about spiritual warfare and how we were attacked last month, we decided to combat each struggle with prayer. We planned to do morning and night check-ins every day to make sure we were that unified powerhouse. 

 

 

March 15 – The heartbreaking email, unexpected bye to sweetest, humble church that prayed for us, 2.5 hours back to Chiang Mai, night market

My eyes slowly opened for breakfast, our team check in, and then our first Thai church service. Instead what I got was gasps across our room and an email that would shake our world. The email said we were being sent home due to border changes and health concerns. 

People were hugging and crying, but we still wanted to go to church.

I made breakfast and facetimed my family for a second. The Thai people and PJ right there as we internalized and verbalized the news to each other.

Someone had to tell PJ.

Seth went to do so. We could barely look at them talking. In a culture where showing negative emotions is a bad thing, we saw the despair imprint on PJ’s sweet face.

Our team leaders got notice that we didn’t need to just leave today but that we needed to leave ASAP to Chiang Mai. Church service began as we packed up our things that we had just unpacked the night before.

PJ scrambled in and out of service to find us transportation to Chiang Mai.

The truck and van arrived. The whole church and the volunteers came out to say bye. PJ blessed us with a smile and insisted that they all pray over us. Each one of them closed their eyes and prayed in conviction and power over us. PJ went around laying hands on each of us individually.

PJ’s wife gave us Psalm 91, which literally we had already been praying over the virus as a squad.

I spoke up and prayed loudly, I hope with the same conviction and power, over all of them. 

One of the Thai volunteers who emanates the Spirit and kindness of Jesus starts pouring tears as she said bye.

The Thai volunteer full of light, who treated me to soda the night before, gave me a hug and said “Bye, best friend” 

 Devastating 

 Leaving them is probably the saddest part of this whole thing for me.

 Yet, I amazed that in less than 24 hours we found loving connection with these people. I amazed, that though we were basically abandoning people who were counting on us being there, they had nothing but love and blessing towards us.

Somehow, it was still beautiful. I wish I could have spent the month with them, but I’m glad I at least got to meet them and now I know how to be praying for them, these incredible children of the living God.  

 Maybe that anxiety turning in my stomach for the past days was for this.

On our ride back I began the processing, yet God had already prepared me for this. I explain why in the blog I wrote on my final plane ride home. 

God had already brought me through battles on the Race, especially in the previous couple weeks, that gave me resilience, joy, peace, purpose, perspective, and renewed confidence in Him. 

God knew it would happen. He let us only touch Thai for a minute. He drove us hours to get that humble joyful church for only a day. And now we return. 

I wish my squad could come to my house. Together I literally think my squad could break every chain, revive our hometowns, revive my house and touch every family to transformation. 

While people are losing the life they held onto; we already gave ours up. Whatever happens we have Christ, and we have a purpose. We are free agents, so it doesn’t matter the circumstance we are in.  

Yesterday our team was vulnerable and trusted each other, I saw unity and we saw an entire month of this; join together in prayer and fighting the good fight.

Even if it wasn’t to come to pass, it mattered, all of it. 2 months of people from other nations that I can continue to minister to now, I’m grateful it was for Indonesia and Malaysia that I came. And even a glimpse of a night with Thai people. 

I touched a lot of lives, but more than that God touched my life. He touched my life with Kingdom family working as the body of Christ. I genuinely have more faith than I’ve ever had, more surrender in my Spirit, more trust in God to do the impossible and break in and change any situation. I saw that He is working everywhere and has appointed saints for he furthering of His Kingdom in every nation even the ones most hostile to it. I saw that the spiritual realm is greater than we could ever know, and I see that I’m going to bring it back to the US in this time of need. I see that like in Exodus 8, where God led me one morning, God uses terrible things like plagues to bring people back to freedom and to Worship of the One true God. That He chooses to use us to intercede on people’s behalf; that is my role now that I’m going home. 

I’m on fire. I have tasted and seen His Kingdom around the world, and I won’t settle for anything less. I am just grasping that God literally trusted me to carry His Holy Spirit to the world. The Holy Spirit is a promise. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead is in me, and like Sheila prophesied, that canopy of light in us is that much brighter in times like these. My weakness that much stronger as Christ rest in and on me.

Josiah prays over me

I’ll tell this story someday

I made up my mind, I’m never going back – United pursuit

Psalm 91

This is not the end; this is just the beginning.

I can be all things for all people everywhere. I can be content in all situations. I have Jesus

We arrived back at the YYAM house with the open arms of Sheila; I honestly don’t know how I would have got through these days without her.

We decided to turn to worship quickly after we arrived. My squad exemplifies the type of people who worship in every circumstance and that is what I love about them.  

We laid on the ground and began worship. Sheila spoke over us:

Authority comes with a cost. Faith only grows with challenge and trust in times like these. 

God will do immeasurably more through this than He could ever do if you stayed on the field. 

The Earth is calling for sons and daughters to awaken. 

Fear is an open door to Satan, so we take a step of faith and resist fear in every way. (She had us stand up in a circle and take a step of faith towards the center)

Lay your disappointments at the feet of Jesus

You have a choice will it be boldness or coldness. You lose your strength for today if you worry about tomorrow.

She directed us to bring our feelings to God and ask Him what He wants to say about them. And to ask God what we are trusting Him for. I took away: 

Walk in righteousness with Christ all my days. Bring His Kingdom. Peace be still. 

The atmosphere will change wherever I go. 

Continue to go deeper: I closed my eyes and this rich blue washed over my sight…You may not see clearly as you go deeper into the waters, but it is beautiful, and it is an adventure. 

She had us voice our experience/feelings in the circle. I gained a lot of perspective from my fellow hurting squad-mates over these days, here are some of them: 

• Kenz: when we said yes to the Race, we said yes to God. God told me I’m calling you to America. He gave us these 2 months to go back and bring Him (revival and healing – the words my teammates got for this month, where I got rest before we knew we would be sent home)
• Anna: was the Race our idol? When did we think the Race was our end?
• Sam: God has swallowed up death in victory, this is never defeat. God can do what He needs to accomplish, and we’ll just obey wherever we are
• Hannah walked up to me and said she loves me a lot. She said I see a lot of me in you when I was your age. I’ve really enjoyed this time and conversations with you. You are so wise and have a lot of insight. Thanks for encouraging me. I know He has great things ahead of you. That meant so much her being someone I look up to greatly. 
• We prayed over each other as some were heartbroken and balling. I felt God’s extreme peace to do so over others, like Morgan’s head that got better as I prayed. 
• Jenna received a text from someone she hadn’t talked to in 3 years to read Psalm 91, the same verse two of our hosts had already given us and someone told us to memorize at the beginning of our Race.  
• Sheila had us go in a circle and pray over the person to our left, anointing their head with oil forming a cross. John prayed over me in power: Thank you for her heart, mind, soul, beauty, purity, and uniniqueness that flows out of her. She cannot contain the Spirit. She will move mountains and go to the four corners of the Earth. The dead raised, the blind to see. To tell so many everywhere of Jesus Christ
• Fifina: if we were willing to humble ourselves and do lowly work on the Race, we should be willing to do that at home too. We should reach international people with the Gospel and expand our group of friends. (God had taken me to a black church and told me that months ago)

Sheila turned a heavy, weary room into joy and closeness to the Lord. It was amazing to see these people turn to the Lord in times like these.   

We were waiting to receive our flight itinerary. We didn’t know if we were leaving within the next couple hours or the next day, so we decided to explore Chiang Mai in the meantime. 

Walking the night markets, blessing the street vendors we met, eating authentic Pad Thai, was surreal.

  Our hearts were heavy, but we still wondered at culture together. 

We ran into the Swirl Girls team and their host and spent time with them. Their hosts took them to see elephants the day before, and I was so jealous. I thought we would be leaving the next morning and not have the chance. I had prayed to see elephants cross the road the day before, but God would be so good and give me the chance the next day…

 3 artist kin-shipped souls (Steph, the 13 year old daughter of their host, and I) commune together in the rain. Moments like that I craved on the Race. I will miss the opportunity. I will miss those Nepalese and African friendships, healings, salvations. But I go home to do the same, knowing the power w/in me and ability to connect deeply wit many. He is not finished with us yet, though it is finished on the Cross. 

 We ran through the night rain of lively streets – I have joy and peace after a week of a mind in agreeance with the enemy. God let me go to that place of being afraid of continuing with this community that, later on, when we would be sent home, I could be a person encouraging and stepping up in joy and faith for people who don’t have such a safe home and amazing situation to return to. 

Reuniting with Kenz today at McDonalds with Em there, I thought, they have become so familiar, like true family powerful, sharpening community. Everything that has come from me commiting to the Race is glory. 

I sat in an open air taxi/bus and truck of local missionaries and felt finally at home and myself with a Race community that I love. That is glory, thanks my gracious, glorious God. 

 

 

March 16 – Our unexpected last day all together with elephants 

 

We got news our flights to Bangkok weren’t until later, well we better go see elephants for our last day abroad. We fed them, bathed them, hugged them. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I was so moved that I wrote this, that day. Now, my favorite animal. 

 

 

 

 

 Here’s our heavenly community together, both man and animal, in mutual joy and love, though we were in the middle of one of the greatest disappointments and plan changes we’d experienced. That’s the race though; not knowing the plan until you get to a place, just trusting God with whatever and whoever is placed in front of you. 

 For a final meal some of us went on a walk to a cool restaurant Sheila told us about, passing a bell tower.  

God gives extra

As we sit at our last meal together, a Thai jungle dinner, we discuss what we are taking back with us from the states. Just then, we notice the song “Open the eyes of My Heart, God” is playing in a 95% Buddhist country.   

Sheila told me about this tea that comes from a flower and changes colors the day before; she said I hope you will get to try it. Of course, at this restaurant they have it, Butterfly Pea Flower Tea. 

As I prayed over us, I realized still all the untapped potential I have to play in the Kingdom: so much power and love still to bleed out to this world. 

Sasha shared about the Grab driver in Malaysia that she ended up getting multiple meals with and finding out he is suicidal. He is still texting her, and she is still sharing Christ’s love with him. Austin learned there are no limits or barriers to God throughout your day. Isabel now sees God as loving, personal, and good, sitting next to her and walking by her side. Sheila prophesized over Kenz her entire life, because Kenz listened to the leading to stay back that day we went to see the elephants. 

At the restaurant: God I pray we could encounter somebody who needs you and reach them for you tonight whether that be a conversation a healing or a prayer

We went again to the night market.

Thailand has barely any Christians, and we just met one of them as our grab driver. 

As I walked the streets, I regret that I never got to fully do street ministry. So even now, I tried to connect with and say God bless you to those we encounter. Below is one of them. He let me do a little doodle with his ink packet, and I just tried to see them and show love out of the ordinary.

As we walked, I got in a bad mood as a lot of thoughts and emotions hit me. Life goes on.

Like Sheila asked, what am I trusting God for now?  

For tomorrow Lord it’s to fly all the racers home safely with the peace of Christ on their hearts and the love of Christ adorning them. It’s for you to give us a path and set us on fire to revive nations and make your name known

(All 540 racers were safely transported home!)

I’m trusting you to help me to trust you with every uncertainty and thing you will call me into to, to help me hear and listen to your voice, to help me to have a willing spirit to be all I could be in You. But that’s the Gospel, I am all I could be – holy, blameless, crowned, a beloved precious daughter. Yet I can walk in more authority and be one with you and truly follow you

 

March 17 – 1 ½ hour flight to Bangkok, 8 hour flight to Doha, Qatar

 

We processed and shared each other’s burdens as we traveled. I was amazed watching my fellow racers show relentless love and joy to our flight attendant though we were in our own state of heartbreak. They asked to pray over our flight attendant from Qatar at the end. 

Austin, Kenia, and I sat together. 

No matter what, if it’s just seeing you guys two at a time, no one else will understand what it was like. No one will understand what it was like to meet Santy (the pimp) and witness something like that (lower-class red light district) for the first time. No one will understand what it was like to befriend PT, to fight for each other, to have this dream lost, to have worshipped Jesus as a unified and powerful body. Both Kenia and Austin tear up; it is sad, but it is love

I wrote to myself:

May she never live comfortably, may she know God wants her happiness as a good Father but that there’s a very real battle and a cost to truly following Him. Would she rapidly pursue her Heavenly Father’s heart (Em) all her days loving and connecting to others forever. She is His.

We have lived with less, so we are so grateful for every little thing; we have left our comforts and seen how others live, but found that human is human. We have done something out of the ordinary together. We have truly lived. And I love them and trust them to partner with God on the Kingdom of God forever

Because when He said He was proud of me, He meant always, seeing every part of my existence, what’s behind me, this moment right now, and what’s ahead

 “What have we found ourselves in” – Jess Ray

 My new bracelet, that stood out at that night market vendor, one of them where I could openly say God bless you – it now represents the valuable gold that I am with blue beads as the deeper water I’m called to swim into 

 

 

March 18 – 8 hour layover in Doha, 14 ½ hour flight to D.C.

 

 We were tired. 

We got an email about the 10 person gathering limit and that domestic flight policies could be changing. We planned to spend a couple days together debriefing, but we had to change our flight to our respective homes as soon as we could get them.

We entered another fascinating culture of beautiful, confident people and art in the Qatar airport.

Boyyy now I want to spend time spreading Jesus and making friends in Qatar. As I watch tourists, in Africa too and with these cool looking Europeans too 

After sleeping a lot in the airport, we took off for our homeland.

I asked God to still the plane (like Amanda), when it got turbulent, for the sake of hurting people’s peace. And He did in that moment. Ye of little faith – truly incredible, at the moment I prayed, He can still the waves!! And then tell ppl about it 

He said, stay, and I trust you when I discuss my future with Him, what?? – that’s why we have free will and the choice, because God trusts us to decide and loves us enough to let us go (Job) He likes to show His children resilient

I just see myself on my knees connecting with God and going deeper and interceding that’s it, such closeness

Trust me in the in between, Daughter I am with you 

He gave extra as he spoke to me through movies (Frozen 2 – do the next best thing and Honey Boy – let your heart break for childhoods like that), gave me visions of my future self on trains in Ireland with someone and holding a lamp as wind blows my hair on a bus, and let us ride on the nicest airline ever. Shoutout to Qatar airlines and their awesome services 🙂 

Immediately getting on the plan, we talked to a Thai woman. I complimented her shirt, and it turned into a conversation about her brother passing and so much else. I told her of God’s plan for us to be a light and our dreams lost, and how I loved her home. I showed her my bug bite that was scarily expanding, and she gave me some version of Thai icy hot to keep. It’s what I needed for my bug bite – God provided another souvenir and encounter with a Thai soul – I will miss these international random connections and blessings…

I have given you everything you need to reach her; it’s in you – the love to do so, the Spirit to do so, the willing spirit to do so

She asked for my Facebook as we went into customs. 

We were greeted outside the airport by our squad mentor Amy, who literally hears the voice of God so vividly. She told me she cried reading my elephant post, means a lot coming from her. We spent our last moments together, and I slept the night alone in the airport.

 

March 19 – Spent the night at the D.C. airport, 4 hour flight to Denver 

 

Reverse culture shock but good to be back…

The fact is I love people. Jesus came, so I came for that Turkish Muslim crying.

The race taught me that; God had a place and a plan for each person and I get to be a part of that.

By simply encountering them I bring His Presence. If I were to simply talk to them or become friends with them, the ground beneath them and above them will tremble with New Wine. I crave what the Race is still. But I’m home sooner than I expected; and I’m ready to be home. And endless opportunities search me

The smiley lady at Dunkin, who gives me an extra doughnut, I tell her, I just came back from Thailand on a missions trip. This is my life now – ministry. Every person an opportunity to show God’s immaculate love.

And I now have a story to tell about that time I was a missionary