Costa Rica! What is b e s t costs the most

Father guide my hands as I type this

Surreal.

Is what I felt last night.

I sat at the nicest dinner I’ve had in a month with my co squad leaders (SQLs) in a different nation during pandemic times.

Our squad mentor, Hailey, decided to give us a couple days away from our
squad. Thank God she is big on prioritizing our emotional, spiritual, physical health and rest.

There are three ministry locations for our first month in Costa Rica and 5 teams. Squad leaders are with each team for around 10 days casting vision, leading by example in ministry, supporting team leaders, having one on ones with everyone,
and doing logistical responsibilities.

I was with team “Hearth” and team “JSC” for two weeks. It was some of the sweetest weeks I’ve ever experienced. It was so hard to leave them yesterday; every single one of them carries a unique role, joy, willingness, and beauty. 

I learned so so much leading with these individuals below

Practicing Spanish and conversing in a different tongue with locals has been an absolute gift. Evelyn and Reina and Katy are locals that we stayed with whom I got to form friendship with – international connection is one of my favorite things. 

We have done mostly physical labor as ministry. Due to Covid, many in Costa Rica have been left unemployed and organizations don’t have the same resources they used to.

They do not have the financial capacity nor time to do the work we have done, whether it be landscaping or painting churches/an elementary school.

This squad doesn’t just paint a school, they make it beautiful 

To serve primarily in this way has been a growing experience. Even though I enjoy physical labor, I tend to put more weight on the importance of relational ministry with the least or lost locals.

This time around though my focus is the racers (ironic considering my first international race I didn’t believe that ministering first to each other was that important – well ya God flipped that mindset on its head on World Race America). 

It’s a lesson of surrendering my notions of what’s right, and being faithful to what God has put in front of me.

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Since being a squad leader I’ve given more of myself than I ever have.

This time around my most important ministry often starts the moment the ministry is over. 

I’ve had countless deep, long conversations with these fascinating, intricate souls who made in the image of God, created in Christ Jesus for works planned for them before they were born (Ephesians 2:10).

It’s partnership with my Lord. 

 

I get to carry their stories. Meet them where they are at. And above all, I get to see them and seek after them (my squad has affirmed that it’s a central role I have).

Every single one so beautiful

To see God’s children with the eyes of Christ could be the entire power of my existence.

The point is, this last year has been the most transformative year of my life.

Envision me a year ago on my 22nd birthday Penang, Malaysia at debrief. 

Isolating myself in a staircase broken and crying, because the enemy had me believing that I wasn’t worthy of celebration nor trust. That I was unloved by others, unseen, and a less important part of the body. I wasn’t going to quit, but I wanted to. (don’t believe me? read this blog)

Envision me yesterday, before leaving teams Hearth and JSC.

Getting a 15 minute prayer, encouragement, love session from all 11 people. People coming up to me for extra hugs, one with tears in her eyes. Numerous of them have said I’m a role model and that I made a big impact on their walk with the Lord. Encouragement like I want you to go to another team so that they can experience the peace you bring.

I am heard. seen. empowered to act in whatever way I’m led. safe in fellowship and friendship. free to be me. loved.

I was terrified of positional leadership and public speaking. Yet, in this picture below I was giving a teaching on spiritual gifts to my squad and felt totally at peace! 

I don’t share this with you to exalt myself.

As I have received more encouragement than I ever have, I am more and more aware that apart from Christ I can do nothing (John 15:5).

I am but dust until He made my spirit alive.

Every beautiful thing they have seen in me was built solely through a relationship with Christ day in and day out over time.

There are gifts in each one of us God has placed in us for good. But the heart and character and purpose and place from which those gifts flow is all that matters. And I have so much growing to do. 

 

Christ has made me a new Creation. He’s let me be humbled and broken and hidden. Now I see that EVERY SINGLE HARD THING HE IS NOW USING FOR GOOD, FOR HIS GLORY! (Romans 8:28).

I’m telling you the littlest parts of my past God uses to encourage and pass on to my squad.

Be faithful with what’s in front of you, and see God add onto it much more than you could ever deserve or imagine (Matthew 25 – parable of the bags of gold).

I went home 8 months earlier than was planned last year due to pandemic. When I came home, I told my mom it’s too much community (I just want to focus on locals). I am pretty sure I’m done with the race.

Then I found myself in Christ through the process of quarantine, Utah, World Race America. Little did I know my entire life God was preparing me for this and making me powerful to the Kingdom. 

It was moments fighting against the devil in prayer in recent years, moments sitting in the chapel of University of Portland begging for the Spirit to move on my campus, moments on the rock with my journal and Bible looking up the circle of trees being refilled after draining high school, moments where my heart was formed for the unseen at youth group, moments in worship where I asked God to “call me out upon the waters, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,” moments volunteering where poor people became humans that God places the Kingdom inside, moments with friends communing in true fellowship, moments where my parents showed me what God’s unconditional love and selflessness looked like, moments where I was lonely and empty then went on my knees and found His comfort and fulfillment, moments where I studied apologetics and other religions, moments where I couldn’t help but talk about Jesus, moments of the Holy Spirit’s voice and rest and guidance, moments as a child where I sought to cling onto my life and in the depth of my mind was really longing for Him…literally it all.

I had no idea what the Lord had planned. And I still don’t.

He is the potter; I am the clay.

Like a local missionary to indigenous populations told us, put yourself in God’s hands, and He will do it! (you just have to be willing to change)

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I’ve also been run dry, burnt out, overwhelmed, sad, insecure, broken before the Lord, challenged, and so much more.

One night, I had the most authentic, honest conversations with my Friend Jesus than I’ve ever had.

I missed all that came before; I couldn’t fathom anymore inconsistency and goodbyes; I couldn’t carry the weight of all these stories and complicated relational dynamics; I couldn’t find the balance nor the stamina; I felt alone as a leader and didn’t want to be “on” at all times; I felt confused and aimless in moments.

I brought my frustrations and my disappointments to God. I got a little mad at Him. And then, as He does, He gave me all the perspective, encouragement, peace, and even gratitude that I didn’t have of myself.

 

Another night, after some logistical work, physical labor ministry, connecting with the locals, back to back deep conversations, check in with the leaders, and soon to be team time, I wrote in my journal it’s too much.

And I told God for a moment Lord can I just do what I feel like and not give away? Can I just live by my flesh and not the Spirit?

It’s no fallacy that in giving your life for His sake, you find it (Matthew 16:25).

The race in general is so uncomfortable and hard. People face themselves and all their problems for the first time, confront the suffering in the world, and in constant community rub up against people they wouldn’t have chosen. 

 

What is best costs the most

I read in 1 Chronicles 21:24 yesterday “‘No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing.”

And today in Matthew 26 “She came right to Jesus, and in a lavish gesture of devotion, she poured out costly oil, and it cascaded over his head as he was at the table…

‘It(the blood of Christ) will be poured out for many for the complete forgiveness of sins…Yet what I want is not important, for I only desire to fill your plan for me.'” (Passion translation)

Jesus endured the greatest cost any man could ever have to bare, the weight of humanities sin and brokenness and physical torture and betrayal by his closest friends for

the freedom, healing, redemption, forgiveness, reconciliation, and renewal of ALL things and of every person that would simply make Him Lord.

 

What is the most valuable and life changing in this world takes the most effort and endurance and patience. 

Paul says it’s our honor to suffer with Christ and be raised with Him (Romans 8:17), our honor to present our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1). I cannot even fathom the cost and suffering endured by many for the sake of His Name.

Hannah, Drew, and I (SQLs) were talking about the devotion of those in countries where Christians are heavily persecuted like Jesus said we would be (Mark 13:13). 

A couple years back I cried for a long time after I watched a movie about missionaries in Japan that were tortured if they didn’t renounce the name of Jesus (Silence). I felt the weight of would I actually die for Christ like some have to?

But then, at Awakening in Washington on World Race America, the speaker talked about Peter.

Peter told Jesus he’d never deny Christ, yet he did three times. And what was Christ’s response: letting him build the early Church.

I learned that when Jesus asks “do you love me” three times, Jesus uses “agape” love (self giving) and then Peter responds with “phileo” love (friendship).

Jesus asks again if he loves him but this time with phileo love. A few sentences later Jesus prophecies that Peter will suffer and die for Christ.

This implies that Jesus will walk with me as a friend until I’m ready to give more and more to Him; even Peter failed much before He walked in the full Will of the Father. 

(John 21:17-18)

 

He meets me exactly where I’m at, and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8).

So like one of the incredible leaders, Steadman, challenged us, are we really risking, and going into the battlefield for the Kingdom?

For us, it may look like being interruptible and going in boldness, past fear, to the people that we are drawn to. We haven’t done it that much yet. But when we have, boy, the Lord moved! I’ll share some evangelism stories soon!

As a squad leader if I continue to give of myself for the sake of Christ even when it’s too hard, the Lord will meet me there with the best in return.

In a powerful one on one with a racer/my friend, I was proclaiming that God doesn’t restrict us or have us deny ourselves for the sake of it. Any cost he asked us to bare, is for our absolute best! He is the best Father imaginable.

I felt that so deeply in my soul as I said it. If only everyone could know how deep the Father’s love is.

Surrendering being in a relationship, starting my career, having any sort of consistency. Pouring out myself for Christ, being transformed, and not conforming to the patterns of this world has been costly.

But as I sat across her, I saw that I was living out exactly what I was meant to do. I am truly living and discipling nations in love. She told me how encouraged and at peace she was after our time. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Lord you have all I am looking for 

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Prophecy fulfilled again!!

Costa Rica started with a waterfall hike led by a local with racers experiencing the race for the first time.

The very first week the year before was a waterfall hike led by a local in Indonesia with my team as I was experiencing the race for the first time.

Living water has been spoken over me by countless individuals on different occasions.

The first time it was spoken over me was on my first international missions trip in 2017. One of the leaders spoke that rivers of living water (Holy Spirit symbol) will flow through my heart and saw a vision of me swimming and playing in a waterfall.

A metaphor for the fullness of life in the Spirit that the Lord would let me walk in and embrace. 

I wrote a blog about it last time. I could hardly believe that when God spoke that over me, He also had in mind squad leading – which at one point I said I wouldn’t want to do that! 

I plan my steps; He establishes them. He is Faithful. When it’s hard, endure. This is eternal life to know Jesus Christ

 

Please PRAY for the whole squad Gap 23 and us individually and especially those we get to reach! Kingdom come, and all of Gap 23 journeying together in His Will and protection and health. 

YOU ARE ABUNDANTLY LOVED BY A PERFECT FATHER AND FRIEND