butterfly, f l y

butterfly,  f l y 

Well here is to another abstract blog. We‘re in Panama now, doing all things from working at a sustainable farm that feeds the starving to cooking/cleaning for a ministry base. I was hit with a rush of sadness the moment, sitting by two of the ones I had been waking with in the Lord for months now, that I realized that this won’t be forever. It’s like 30 friends that I get to know and love deeply, and Jesus has transformed them, is propelling us into fullness of color. From Daisy and Aby giving their sleeping gear to a man who showed us what the Kingdom means in San Jose. To that spiritual but not religious woman who sells fudge on an island in Panama whom we shared the Jesus that extends love not contingent on our actions, who couldn’t stop talking about that different “energy” we bring – it’s an honor to bring this Gospel…may I never forget it. Never take it for granite; I know I do sometimes. All investment into Kingdom matters, give your life to Jesus

The perplexity of a nature yet to be realized

The clouds that shape the sky and my mind slowly separate, mix, move, merge and He just shows me THIS is a part of your story. He showed me THIS is how He has chosen to move among us

There’s a mystery beyond what I can grasp and tears to be shed from a past and present, pain. 

Life is full of pain. It is also full of beauty and glory from a Maker who has never forsook us, never left us stranded

There’s something in the journey, the long journey we take where He teaches us to hunger and to be faithful 

to be faithful for the moments that will transform you

Butterflies don’t go directly from cocoon to flying with the color of their wings revealed to a dying world that needs their beauty 

It’s metamorphosis, it’s slowly breaking free of the shell they once trapped themselves in and the shell they put God in

What is free is never meant to be covered or concealed, but revealed

Good Friday, my Lord died for that, died for you and me

And on that precious Cross, He said my Lord, my Lord why have you forsaken me

He is the fulfillment of eternity

He is the purpose of my life

butterfly,  f l y

I’m pleading with you, fly, show your colors

Don’t long for the cocoon you once resided in

It was necessary for a season, but it’s not where you belong

New wine flows out of New winseskins

Are you willing to agree with the Perfect Father and not the father of lies and evil 

Are you willing to sit beneath a purple flowered tree and read the words to your heart that bring you life

Are you willing

Are you willing to see the human being that crosses your path and show them the way to life

To whisper in public what has been whispered in the quiet

You & Him

Don’t stay in prison. Be enchained to Christ

Daughter, I Iove you and I’m not going anywhere  

I can’t tell you how much nature means to me. I feel a part of it and a part of something wonderful. The constant, objective movement that waves through every surface – my hair, blades of grass, delicate leaves, and that liquid beauty. Looking at trees as they shape the sky, and it’s sunlight touching its sides, the edges of its leaves highlighted vibrant green and yellow fade into a blowing shadow. Looking at the trees against the blue skies and a mountain background is a sort of home for me: I didn’t know how much that monastic time in the desert would have impacted me. I simply can’t stay away from that harmony, that wonder and stillness with His Creation. The Garden of God’s intent, and the Ultimate it points to. What I see in nature – the beauty, the order, the vastness and excitement, I sometimes get to see in my heart as Christ walks into the room of my body. It all matters less here. It makes me so nostalgic – where in childhood we just existed in a moment with each other and took it in without reservation or hardness if heart. The thing is yesterday I encountered suffering and the work of evil and darkness in many among the streets. There’s this dissonance between today and yesterday, harmony and brokenness. Both are found on Earth. Tell me there’s something not wrong. Tell me humanity is not in need of a Savior. He came and He comes in us with the same sort of beauty beheld before my eyes in this exact moment and it’s about bringing this to the pantsless drugged up prostitute named Rebekah. It’s accesible inside by Christ. All I know is Him and that’s all I need to know. I’m so glad to enter the safe space of nature and the adventurous space of darkness. And I don’t need anything or anyone else Lord. It’s more than enough 


Am I 1st place Hannah today and in your future 

Yes Lord, help it to be so every day…how?

Well the best start is to love me and love to ones I have made and you’re doing that 

Am I Lord?

Look at me

I love you Father

I love you

Feed my sheep

Follow me

Give me courage Father God, courage

You have it right in your hands, and it’s not going anywhere cus I’m not going anywhere