*This is a LONG blog. Make sure to read takeaway #2. Pick and choose from there! Future blogs will be shorter 😉

  

1. Vulnerability at Debrief
2. The POWER of God
3. Upside Down Kingdom
4. Finding Beauty and Making Opportunity
5. Trying New Things
6. Future Dreams
7. Eternal Moments in Nature
8. Challenging Living Conditions
9. Community and Personal Growth

  

I had journaled everything every day for ~245 days straight; last week I didn’t write a word.

Journaling has been my escape all my days.

Growing up, it was where I would turn every time my tears fell. It gave me new eyes to make sense out of a world that often doesn’t make sense.

It is one of the main ways I connect with God and hear from Him. It helps me to remember, and to never forget, the mind-blowing moments and conversations God gifts us and teaches us through. 

Why fast from something that gave such life and health to my mind, that was living evidence of the God that answers my prayers in His name?

Last month, sitting in the car with my deep and inspiring Indonesian friend of a different faith, instead of being fully present, I was typing on my phone the epiphanies I was having for fear that I would forget them. 

The Holy Spirit slowly and quietly, as he does, started convicting me. 

Then, my team leader mentioned how our team constantly overthinks and how we should be more moved by momentary compassion.

Offended, as I too often am, I thought “haven’t I been acting out of compassion this whole time?” What she said though stuck with me.

 

I found that all my experiences were being filtered through my head onto a page rather than into my heart and unto God.

 

Later, Austin mentioned how excessive journaling became unhealthy for him too. That night, after some debate in my mind and with God, I made the decision to fast for at least a week from it.

It was fricken difficult to break that habit: to not immediately record and reflect on the sort of events that happened that week, unprecedented.

What if these events are to be lost, skewed, corrupted by future events? As I learned in marketing class, as we are introduced to new ideas or experiences, our brain can change our memories to be completely different than our actual experience was.
 

I did not take it all to my heart and to God as I had planned, but I did let the week’s experiences just imprint on me.

I often have thought of how many experiences and moments each soul has. And how every single one of them imprints on us, changes us, and becomes our story.

 

Going forward, I don’t know if God is calling me to journal all the time or never. I think, like a lot of things in life, it is somewhere in the in between.

What do you need to fast from?

Fast, even from good things, to discover, to find a healthy balance, to fight for your mind and your meaning, to free yourself from unhealthy dependence, to grow in spirituality

 

What I do know, is I am ready to record the incredible and challenging things that happened this week and what I learned. Because in writing, I feel joy and God’s pleasure.

 1. Vulnerability at Debrief

Before diving into the time since I fasted journaling, I need to discuss debrief.

We spent 5 days in Kuala Lumpur. Our team of 7 joined the other 29 squad mates on our route, our two coaches, and our squad mentor at a cool hostel.

Not going to lie, I was not looking forward to debrief. I have faced lies of worth and belonging as I am in big groups. I also wondered why we were spending so much time with each other, when I feel I came across the world for the locals.

Yet, debrief ended up being a crucial time of transition, learning, and of deepened relationship with our squad and with God.

One night our coaches paved the way for vulnerability 

What are your foundational issues? What are you removing to discover them? What is your vision of your final outcome?

 

We nakedly shared our greatest struggles: unworthiness, feeling enough, feeling rejected, abandonment, feeling important, feeling desirable, seemingly unanswered prayers, gender roles, trusting people, caring what others think about us, etc.

“But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes light” – Ephesians 5:13

  

I knew I was meant to be one of the people to speak up. As I did, the heaviness did not leave. But if felt as though I was letting out this beautiful slow breath that is only made visible when it is cold enough.  

Why is the warmth of our exhale visible and wonderous to the eye only in cold weather and just for a moment? 

Being vulnerable is sort of like that.

We exhale our shame and struggles into what can seem like a cold and scary world. But the moment we let it out and make it visible, the world can see it too. It is not a shameful thing, but rather a freeing wonderous thing to witness. They see your humility, they see warmth, they relate, and they no longer feel alone. Seconds later, it disappears. The issue is no longer visible to the world, and more importantly, to yourself. It has lost its power

 

There was one theme that hurt deeper than any of the others: am I trusted? Am I trusted by my team for the work we are doing? Have I earned it, could I sustain it? 

And God spoke over me in love…

It doesn’t matter if they trust you, I do! So much so that I literally placed my Holy Presence inside of you to bring Good News to the whole world

  

Worship had to have been the best part of debrief though.

The passion, complete dependence, seeking and free souls of my fellow racers in worship shook that entire hostel, could shake that entire city.

During session one night after worship, an aching yearning and stirring from the Spirit lingered inside me.

I asked Fifina what that contracting pressure on my stomach could mean. She said something may need to come out. 

So…I went to the stair steps, the only place where I could be alone, and let my prayer language come out in power. Then, God brought to my mind…

I am sending you as sheep among wolves

  

Days later, once we were at our placement, Matthew 10 came to mind. Sure enough, the sheep among wolves phrase is in that chapter. What follows that phrase is Jesus commanding us to be shrewd as snakes, innocent as doves, and unafraid. Jesus assures them the Spirit will give them the words they need when they are arrested. 

Like wait God these words weren’t just for the disciples. They are for me, and I should be just as willing as they to give everything for this cause

 

For the first time in my life, I am restrained and limited in my freedom to speak what I believe due to the countries I am in. Yet God still calls me. For the first time in my life, the letters and Gospels of the New Testament apply exactly to what I am doing. It is hard, and it is heavy. 

It makes sense why God gave me that verse before coming. Our host who we call PT is so shrewd and unafraid; I’ll get to that later…

 

 2. The POWER of God

Our first night at our placement in Malaysia we went to a special Indian church service located inside a row of shops. Guest pastors from around the country spoke and prayed for revival.

Three sermons in Tamil and countless “Hallelujah” shouts later, my teammates and the church members were in the front.

 

Before I knew it, the energetic sweaty prayers of these pastors were causing them to cry and some to faint. (to “fall out in the Spirit” or to be “slain by the Spirit”)

 

Mckenzie had a look of joy, relief, tears, and awe. John was overcome, went up for prayer twice, falling on the ground twice.

Other than a YouTube video I watched from the 60s last semester, I had never seen anything like it. I worried all of this wasn’t of God, so I did not go up for prayer. 

John described it like being struck by lightning. He had no brain activity, only a loud scream “Hallelujah” directed towards the gates of hell.

We rode back in our sweaty van through the bumpy streets of this small-town thinking, well, that is one way to start our time in Malaysia. 

This church is a house of freedom and peace, my whole team could feel it. Even with my questions, I could feel that.

 

Discussing it more with my teammates, I realized people in the Bible straight up died encountering the presence of God in the past. God is the Creator of all the forces that can lift a rocket into space, that can cause an atomic bomb to explode, that causes supernovas in space.

Not only that, but the darkness and spiritual authorities that realm the world are more powerful than we could ever know. The teams that went to Bali saw evil spirits and possessed people. If the sources of darkness are that powerful, how much more powerful must the source of light be.

And that same power lives inside of me, because Jesus resurrected.

 

A day or so later we went to a local mall. I wanted to do an adventure for our off-day, but I felt like God was telling me to sit at a coffee shop with Em. 

The Lord knew that I needed to be in the mall with Em to get WiFi and receive texts that would make me leap for joy.   

  

One of the texts I received was from a friend from another faith I hung out with 1 on 1 three times. She said she wanted to share with me she was baptized and born again that morning!!

  

She said the Lord worked his way through me in the conversations we had and that she is “so so so happy.” Many have poured into her and took her in during some of the darkest times of her life. I just got to play a small part. 

I wrote in my notes literally days before: “she’s ready” and “give her a heart to surrender Lord, show her specifically your love for her in specific ways even this week and forever.” 

That week, she became my wonderful sister in Christ. My entire Race is worth it for that (and how good it feels to finally write this down).

I decided to skip going to a movie with my team so I could prayerfully answer the exciting texts I received. As I sat in that Malaysian mall on a massage chair, the Lord said…

Believe me for anything

 

The next day, John, Hannah, and I went on a spontaneous and holy Sabbath day.

We randomly encountered a riverfront after our original plans fell through. We sat along the water with distant mountains communing with each other and God in true rest. 

I read 1 and 2 Timothy…

“People will be…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God – having a form of godliness but denying its power.” 

 

We fear that the American church can be like this. 

We fail to pray for God to absolutely redeem the suffering we’ve dealt with our whole lives. Walking our daily routine, searching for purpose, yet never stepping out to do the “greater works” Jesus said we would do (John 14). Greater than healing the sick, raising the dead, seeing the unseen, casting out demons? Jesus said we would do that (Matthew 10)! 

If He Created it all, crashing seas and waterfalls, endless space, can He not do all things?

 

My squad mate, Hannah, a Christian yoga instructor who quit her corporate sales job for this, inspires me to my core.

Growing up, she said she wanted to be a wizard in Harry Potter embarking on a quest to battle darkness. We discussed how that’s exactly what we are doing. 

John prayed over me for what has been at times a hopeless situation. The prayer was a battle, and the prayer was specific and powerful. Believing God for deliverance, believing him for anything. Why have I not persisted in prayer like this?

  

I am realizing that my prayers over individuals transform the spiritual realm around them. I hadn’t realized it. The Bible says the enemy closes off minds from seeing the light (2 Cor 4:4). With faith, any heart can be softened and the enemy’s hold broken.

 

Days later I received a text from the friend in my past who was so strong, so adamant against Christianity that I didn’t think it possible for that heart to be opened. My mouth dropped as my friend told me of an encounter with missionaries feeling unconditional love unlike ever before.

Believe him for anything

  

The church we go to has become the place where I experience the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in ways I didn’t know possible.  

I just stand there in eternity as tongues of fire pour out of my mouth, edifying me and loosening something in the spiritual realm.

Surrounding me are Indian Malay believers that fast for 40 days only water and beautiful 19-year-olds that spend 50 days praying until like 5am every night. 

We prepare sermons and worship. Our teams have been bringing it! Hannah spoke on the armor of God the first night making the whole congregation stand up and act it out. Annie’s voice and spirit pierces the room; a local compared our worship to a Hillsong concert.

One service, I was struggling to let something go in my life, so I sat down to pray. I felt God calling me out of that dwelling place… 

Stand up and worship me with all your mind, body, and soul. And be an encouraging worshiping presence for this church.

  

Another night He spoke…

You have been asking me to move powerfully across this country. Do you see now that I am already doing so?

Humbled, yes, I do Lord. Thanks for letting me see it. Thanks for letting be a part of all the stories you are writing across the world.

 

 3. The Upside-Down Kingdom

 

I can’t give details of a lot of these stories but let me just say I am seeing God’s Kingdom come through my hosts, through my teammates, and in our testimonies.

 

The Upside-Down Kingdom where the last shall be first

Our host PT is about the best man you’ve ever met. He has a godly, bold presence mixed with the most generous heart and goofy glimpses of personality. He is like Jesus as a lion: safe protection and warmth to his friends, dangerous to evil. 

Also like Jesus, his true ministry is with sinners: to the people in society that no one else wants to deal with.

He brought us to a hookah bar to tell us about it. He is the least legalistic pastor imaginable. People outside the church are his passion; it is giving me goosebumps thinking about it. He is a peacemaker.

He said, I believe in relationship and the winning of souls to Christ. It is easy. Sit with them, listen to their story, understand them

 

You might receive a letter from me in the future about him. I want you to know his story, and I want his vision to advance. I want us to sew generously into his work. Finances are his main barrier. Malays (who legally must be Muslim) are given preference in this society, putting other people with different ethnicities and faiths at a major disadvantage.

Pray for this to change, for financial provision, for PT’s winning of souls. Pray for 2020 to be a year of breakthrough for this country.

 

The Upside-Down Kingdom where our pain is turned into power

I’ve heard stories this month of people still suffering from what someone wrongfully did to them years ago. I have seen them forgive when it doesn’t make sense. I have seen freedom from captivity. I’ve seen the Redeemer and the Overcomer flip these stories upside down as they are refined in the fire becoming like gold. Their testimony is being used in power to touch many lives. 

One night in Penang, my friend froze seeing a young girl interact with a man and alcohol in a way that implied human trafficking.

We didn’t realize, so we rushed my friend to get on the bus that had just arrived. It is not like she was going to act in this situation, but it is a reminder to always be interruptible. 

We interceded for this girl. God broke our heart for her. Her pain too will be turned to power in His Kingdom.

  

The Upside-Down Kingdom where we touch the untouchable

What I love about Jesus is that he looked the unseen, unclean, and untouchables of society in the eye, called them by name, and healed them from the inside out. 

Walking one night, a couple of my squad mates felt called to a man on the streets. Trying to talk to him, they received incredible opposition and hesitation.

Stephanie described how without the tug of the Spirit, they would have got a clue and left this man alone. Yet they persisted and found out that he has an illness and wishes he were dead.

Fifina asks to pray and lay hands on him. As she places her hand on his back, he says HOT!!! and POWER!!! Fifina’s fiery hands and prayer touched him so much that he asked them to come back the next day. 

 

This story sets me on fire, because seldom do we realize the rudest and most closed-off people are the people that need your kindness and pursuit the most! Jesus showed us that. We are called to press past societies standards and the walls of pain people have and touch them with God’s Kingdom of love.

 

4. Finding Beauty and Making Opportunity

 

Indonesia last month was so obviously beautiful and full of opportunity that it was harder to see it here at first. We had to look a little closer, step out a little more to find that this slow, simple Malaysian town is just as fascinating.

 

Everywhere has its charm. There’s beautiful life on every corner, whether it be the precious goat walking by right now as the sun goes down or the random old lady leading you in the right direction.  

  

Our hosts, PT and his wife are a power couple that love each other and us so well with so much generosity.  

PT hopes that we wouldn’t just come to serve but that we would enjoy our time here. They bring us curry and Malay rice and noodles every day and provide transportation whenever we need it.

 

God highlighted their daughter to me from the beginning. She is a vibrant 9-year-old that I’ve made many precious memories with. 

Many from the church have deeply impacted me…

From the grateful Great Grandma that slept on the couch the first few days

To the three sweet sons that sometimes stay here

To the nephew with a cool vibe that accompanied us on his motorcycle on our walk back home from church

To that kid with such a fun personality that I got in a pillow fight with

 

Whether it be connecting with our grab drivers or following a small nudge from the Spirit, it’s up to us find beauty and make opportunity.

 

Here are some of my favorite examples… 

We go on prayer walks and pass by the sewage river, the chickens, and the wooden houses nestled into the jungle greenery. 

We met a man named Samuel on his motorbike. We discovered he is Catholic and blessed him.

  

Em and I took an aimless walk and ended up at a park. 

We sat under the purple flower tree with the mountains in the distance getting deep about what God is redeeming in our lives. 

We joined some young local boys for soccer. We walked back home only to arrive at the house and realize they had been following us the whole time.

 

In a moment of pure bliss, they showed off their bicycle tricks and posed for a picture.

 

I’ve really connected with PT’s mother who cooks for us and owns the house we stay in. She told me her story one night tearing up.

She raised five boys who are raising up this church in power. She lost her husband in an accident. So faithful, her sole focus is for her boys to fear and serve Lord. She plans to continue caring for her household, for guests, and for her grandchildren as long as the Lord persists in giving her the strength. The Lord led me to try and serve her like how she serves other so well.

She is strong and blunt. It came as a surprise to me when she said “love ya” after our heart to heart that night. It meant so much.

 

I began hanging-out on our front porch. One day, I was doing little watercolors to give my teammates. Suddenly, I heard a holler over the wall.

This smiley, unrestrained older Indian working on the house next door started asking me questions. The following days, he remembered my name and called to me in joy every time I saw him.

One day, his fellow worker and him asked for a dollar to keep from our country. I went to get one and felt led to write God bless you on it. He noticed the next day.

We sometimes discussed God and how he thought I am in my head and need to rest (how he sensed that, I do not know).

 

Later, two of my teammates heard his story and his deep struggles. As they prayed over him, tears fell down his face. Read more on Angelica’s blog

 

We help clean the church as an opportunity to connect with church members. I am reminded that Jesus came to serve and not to be served; this year must be about that.

It is super humbling seeing the work that goes on behind the scenes of this powerhouse church. So many members sacrifice their time to serve and make the place what it is. Cleaning the church looks like straining your back as you sweep the carpet floor with a bundle of bamboo sticks rather than a vacuum.

 

Oh…and to hear about the special family we randomly encountered on a night walk, you’ll just have to wait for my next blog

 

Beauty and Opportunity is right in front of us. May we never miss it. Jesus can be seen through every situation and soul. May I never miss Him.

 

 5. Trying New Things

Now that I am all the way to takeaway 7, maybe I should tell you about what we are actually doing this month!

We rotate shifts volunteering at a local special needs school, tutoring kids at night, and preaching and leading worship at church Thursday and Friday.

I was so in my element last month, building relationships with my peers, meanwhile this month the work is out of my comfort zone.

 

As we are thrown into situations, it’s amazing to see how we can improvise, how we can do so much more than we ever thought possible, and how we can grow and shine the Lord’s love even through discomfort. 

I trust in the Lord as His humbled student that can do anything through His strength (Phil 4). Be all things for all people (1 Cor 9). 

 

The special needs school has students ranging from like 4 to 30 with a wide array of abilities: from nonverbal to mathematical savant.

They lack the simplest of resources, and the forms of discipline can be questionable. Yet, the teachers’ patience and the fellowship of the students is incredible.  

My heart broke as I watched one girl run to the fence, reach for a palm tree, pull it to the ground, and snap it in half. My heart was filled as others pulled for my love and would not stop smiling.

After free time outside, we go to individual classrooms, and the teachers let us fill the time.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to art. I am in awe of amount of times God has used my artistic abilities for his glory (I might even do another mural this week).

I introduce myself to the older, more well-behaved class in front of the Malay teacher. The nerves flow through me. I try to bring an upbeat and joyful energy.

I begin to draw on the white board and the nerves fall off my body. I ask to turn on music. I play instrumental, but the teacher wants more upbeat. Shrewd, like that verse God brought up at debrief, I play some worship music though we aren’t supposed to talk about our faith.

I bring them into my happy place. They copy my compositions onto their pages, and they do it with much talent in their own unique way. Another holy moment for me.

Days later, the professor was excited to show me how they continued working on their pieces.

 

As I was leaving, one of the youngest students ran to give me a hug. I about cried. I don’t know why; I can’t describe it.

 

International connection, there’s nothing like it.

 

I would experience this more at our night-tutoring, goofing around with the children as I do.

For every one of the children of various faiths there was one of us. We partnered up and acted out animals (PT’s daughter and I full on belly laugh as we act out lions and sharks).

 

We sang head shoulders knees and toes, ending the night with prayer in the warmth of local church members’ homes.

Pray for the success of the school and tutoring program

 

6. Future Dreams

On our bus ride from debrief to our placement for the month I began to think of my future. The open skies and rounded mountains inspired me and reminded me of home. Endless ideas ran through my mind… 

Can I spend a summer at Lake Powell sharing Christ’s love in that historical desert land I love? Can I intern in Alaska? Can I start my own international charity? Can I be a travel blogger for Compassion? Can I be super involved at Red Rocks Church, while painting, while being a mom in Colorado? Can I work on the international marketing team for Subway?

 

It was refreshing to have endless ideas and hopes for my future (like my friend Adam and I discussed, that hasn’t been the case lately).  

On that Sabbath day, we sat on the Malaysian waters, watched strange lizards go by, and met a local Kombucha vendor and craftsman. 

We sat in gratitude that this is our adventurous life, and Hannah absolutely spoke life into these dreams.

She shared her dream of sailing the world, leading yoga sessions, and spreading Jesus’ love with her future husband.

She said, do not look at your future thinking you need to pursue success in a business career just because you have the degree. Don’t think you have to choose one path; you can mix all your passions and always begin again like I am.  

 

Give your life away as a pleasing fragrance to the Lord

  

How could we hold on to what so few have in this world?

–          I spoke of following my passions and dreams with one of my Indonesian friends. She couldn’t relate to the freedom I have; she is the primary source of income for her entire family. 

–          The 19-year-olds we met in Malaysia aren’t considering college or travels; they are working at a factory with church as their life and God as their dependence.

–          The kids at this church can’t afford music lessons or their tuition, so the pastor helps. (I’m learning a lot, being stripped of the comforts of my world, of my understanding…more to come about that I’m sure)

 

7. Eternal Moments in Nature

Also that Sabbath day, a Malay fisherman slowly cast his fishing nets from his kayak, as John spoke of quantum physics, as Hannah spoke of how every living thing has a specific frequency, and as the trees gently swayed. 

Hannah showed us a video of a machine that translates the frequency/sound that sunflowers make. It made us think of how every single living thing has frequencies and microbes (Micala ;)) beyond our senses. If we were to sense all of it, we might just die. It’d be too much for us.

All Creation sings God’s praises (Psalms 148)

 

One weekend we went to Penang, Malaysia. 

A group of us went on an unexpectedly steep hike reaching scenic views. Afterwards we went for dinner on the sand.

 

Raquel (a squad mate from Venezuela who inspires me in her conviction) joined me for a golden hour dip in the warm sea. We proclaimed God’s protection from jellyfish and embraced the moment. Floating easily, I gazed at the pink fluffy clouds.   

 

Monkey Beach, the next day, I escape to the rocks along the seaside. Because of my journal fast, I made vlogs and wrote out loud.

I proclaimed things and realized this is the youngest I will ever be, yet everything so far has led me to this beautiful place where I am loved. 

After scraping my foot on the coral, I found a rock to sit on. I watched the layered swaying forested mountains as birds flew and monkeys swung. Minus the plastic infested waters, this place is stunning. 

A butterfly delicately came to me while the Spirit placed songs on my heart and a couple phrases

Bring My presence wherever you go

God counsel me in righteousness

Follow Me

  

 8. Challenging Living Conditions

 

We are living in PT’s mother’s house. For the first weeks 2 boys slept in one room, 11 girls in the other. We slept on the floor with little space between us.

We spent a lot of time in our room the first days. I felt trapped and overwhelmed by constant community and so many girls with beautiful, but strong personalities.

Falling asleep when I wanted was not an option. Last month, I had maybe one day where I felt off. This month began with many days where my team and I were in weird headspaces.

I thought I was an extrovert and liked to stay up late. In this situation, it would seem I’m the opposite. You learn so much about yourself on the Race.  

Months ago, I felt like a spiritual leader on my campus and in my home communities. Now I am surrounded by spiritual leaders so attentive to the Spirit and the Word.

Do I fit in? Do they love me? I am the youngest, what do I have to contribute?

  

One day, four of us had the opportunity to join PT to pray with a Hindu family. They have many gods so they figured, might as well throw Jesus in there too. 

What an opportunity, but I did not feel equipped. I said, I’ll let the more mature Christians do it.

I didn’t fully mean that, but it implied something about what I sometimes believe about myself in this context.

 

Angelica convicted me as she gave a verse in 2 Timothy, do not be held back by your youth. She said, I’ve seen you in worship. You are hungry. You are confident.

 

 

9. Community and Personal Growth

Have you ever wanted to know what people think of you?  Join the Race; you will find out.

We did “super feedback” as a team, giving positive and negative feedback in one sitting. Although it terrified me, I am learning it is the avenue for pointing each other to look more like Jesus. If we are not willing to let others reveal our blind spots, there is no room for growth.

Yet, I left this time of feedback feeling so down; how the human brain holds on to the one negative word over the many positive.

They said that I am so in tune with the Holy Spirit, good at connecting, motivated, focused, big-hearted, artistic, gifted in evangelism and discipleship, joyful and upbeat, steadfast, encouraging, impactful, inquisitive, intentional, passionate, powerful, wise, adventurous, that the fruit of friendship follows me, and that I go deeper in so many facets of life. 

They also said that I am stubborn, set in my ways, at times confrontational, impatient, uninterruptible, having my own agenda, and forgetting to listen (let me add at times prideful, insecure, selfish, uncareful, and forgetful). Let’s just say my sister’s speculation that I am an enneagram 8 was right lol

I put this out in public, because there is freedom in exhale (takeaway #1). 

Like the verse Madi spoke over this month, great power (takeaway #2) does not come through my strength but my weakness. 

I hope you too will face yourself. And I hope you too will find his unending grace that will never forsake you.

 

Also, it has nothing to do with my team as individuals, they are incredible. But last month I was so invested in the locals and God that I sort of neglected investing into my team. Even though I knew they would say it, it hurt when they said it.  

Places and people come and go, and it must be enough to just have been together for that season… 

I had just said goodbye to college, not knowing the next time I would see my friends. I had just said goodbye to my family and the comforts of home. I had to say goodbye to my Indonesian peers who made me feel more loved and valued than ever.

 

Now one of my main barriers in community is knowing the limited time I have with my teammates. It hurts to let yourself be fully known, knowing you won’t have these people next you forever. 

But if Jesus did ministry with 12 disciples, 3 of them very close, how much more so do I need to! 

I am one unique important part of the body of Christ, but what about all the other body parts? How much more effective we are together, empowering, unifying, and exhorting each other… 

Forgive me for doing it on my own, for depending on independence. Help me to find the balance and to die to myself

 

The Lord has been answering prayers for unity, closeness, and joy the past week; team Culturevate will be a powerhouse moving forward. I love them so much. We pray together and loosen things on Heaven and Earth.

For example, days before feedback, God brought to my mind, your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war. One of my teammates teared up during feedback. I felt I should pray these words over her. She said those were the exact words she was hanging on from debrief.

Also, the day of feedback we went to the mall to get Wi-Fi. 

I was looking through my journal and saw the pictures my Indonesian friend Riz printed out for me last month. I decided to text her I missed her.

She facetimed me, and I showed her the pictures in my journal. In that moment, I realized every picture had endearing, thoughtful notes on the back of them. I read them for the first time in front of her. One of them says… 

I want you to know that every time I look at you, I see a very pure, kind-hearted, and genuine soul 

God sweetly covered me in his love on a day where I truly needed it.

I love how each of us shines in different ways.

 

Like I wrote last month:

God has unique reasons for loving each one of us

What if none of life was a competition?

 

 

Until next time my friends <3