Would this blog bring ppl out of isolation and free up them to Jesus or would it be seen as a prideful self-congratulations and insensitivity to the reality of their stories?
Would I gain respect or would I absolutely lose it. Would it be worth it to lose it?
Christ’s power is made perfect in my weakness. But is the weakness that I am single, no, in fact that’s a strength?
Friction between what was and what now is
Between future and present
Hope and despair
Singleness and potential
Following and leading
Knowing and trying
Faith and works
Set apart but don’t be a Pharisee
I can’t bare the pressure of being set apart, Lord take it. They think I’m judging, Lord help me to never.
Seconds into self-pity, I am hit with hope and wholeness as I confess my sins and remember God will withhold no good thing…
I think it’s worth it, so here’s my story:
I’m 21 and have never kissed anyone. It’s not like I grew up in some sheltered environment or really intented for it to be this way.
Each birthday by the next year, I just thought it would happen. It became my idol. I was ashamed to tell of my inexperience, still am sometimes.
I have known for awhile that high school was meant for my independent growth in God. I just thought college would be different.
But last semester, when sitting in a sermon about singleness, I cried in absolute gratitude for it. 1 Corinthians 7, my anthem.
Written last semester:
“I Lack Nothing.
So many deep friendships, my heart pulls. Though I have had no romance all of college, Christ has romanced me into being completely and entirely full.”
“It’s my identity again…
I remember the life from which I came: one of emptiness and dissatisfaction and selfishness and the life and love I have come into through Christ alone, one of fulfillment and purpose. It’s all I need.”
I know who I am because of Christ, and it’s not dependent on any temporary thing. I am following my dreams and serving 11 nations for a year after I graduate in December.
None of it possible without singleness, undistracted.
The Lord has kept me.
But I won’t lie. The pain of feeling not desired, of feeling like you don’t have what the world tells you you need to. The pain I sometimes feel of loneliness is real. I feel this especially, ironically, when I see great potential on the horizon.
I have relied on, for like 8 years, a love that is unconditional and perfect in God. And have to remember that certainty and worthiness cannot be found in anyone else no matter how awesome the person.
I don’t know if I am called to be single forever or if I am called into a relationship tomorrow.
But what I do know the place you become complete and “find yourself” is not in romantic relationships, but is in Christ, period.
Grace and Peace
P.S. I would love for you to join in my journey of leaving all I know to serve the poor and bring love in dark places across the world.
Subscribe to my blog, contact me, donate if you feel led to, and more than anything please pray!
Hannah, what an amazing blog. The Holy Spirit has blessed you with a wisdom and peace beyond your years. Thanks for sharing an intimate story that I am confident will help many. I can’t wait to follow your journey. God Speed, Love and Safety I pray for you.
Thank you Shellee means so much????????
Haha those are supposed to be hearts not question marks
Thanks so much!
So beautifully written Hannah, brought “happy tears” to see how you are allowing God to use you. Looking forward to your journey vicariously & will be there in prayer!
Thank you Etola!! Means so much!
I love how honestly this is written! I love how you have so much to offer your future husband. God bless you sister!